The Valentine's Day List
by C.Rara
Summary: Parvati and Lavender will shortly be taking their Owl examinations and are in a Transfiguration lesson covering many key apsects of the Owl paper. So what are they doing? Discussing boys of course! Are you ready for a 'vat full of gossip.' You know you ar


_If I claimed to own all the characters from the Harry Potter books and said I was making thousands of pounds from this story, would you believe me?  
Note, if anybody answers yes I will shoot myself, due to the depression of discovering the entire world is made up of morons. _

_This story is relatively child friendly. There is one bad word in there, but i'm sure you've heard worse just by walking into a primary school. It is a sad little fact, but most 7 year olds nowadays know more swear words than you did when you were about 20. _

**The Valentine's Day List.**

Transfiguration was a vitally important part of the wizarding world's school curriculum. The knowledge you receive can carry you through life. Information comes in leap and bounds. Every question asked, and every answer given gleams an insight you'd never thought possible on the wizarding world.

_Lav, it's Valentine's Day the day after tomorrow, have you got a date? _P.P.

The dot over the 'I' in Valentine's Day was dotted with a heart, and the note itself was written in a loopy, pink, feminine scrawl, and the parchment smelt of exotic spices...not that anybody ever, you know, smells parchment -nervous chuckle- because that would be weird.

NO! It sucks. Oh My God, Parvati...what are we going to do?! I'm going to be dateless on THE most important day of the year!!L.B.

Hey. I never once said anything about learning _transfiguring spells_ in transfiguration, now did I?

_Um...calm down! Geesh, I can see you hyperventilating three rows back! It's SO not worth getting into a state about. There has got to be two acceptable boys in our year. We've just got to, you know, investigate a little. Besides what else are we going to do, __**study**__?  
(You can't see me, unless you turn around which I would hesitate to recommend lest old McGeegee sees you, but i'm shaking with laughter at the moment.) P.P._

Ha-ha...ok. So the list of available guys whose names I can bother to learn are as follows:  
Dean Thomas  
Seamus Finnegan  
Neville Longbottom  
Draco Malfoy  
Harry Potter  
Blaise Zabini  
Ron Weasley  
Michael Corner  
Ernie Macmillan  
Justin Flinch-Fletchely  
Zacharias Smith.

Oh, and 'McGeegee'? Ha-ha, nice. We're using that from now on. L.B.

_Why thank you. So ... Time to rule some of them out. Let us goeth foreth througheth the listeth.  
Dean Thomas? P.P._

Very nice. Very artistic. Keeps staring at Ginny oddly, but cute, definitely cute. L.B.

_Okay, he can stay on the list. Seamus? P.P._

Two words, Play-er. Um...ok, so that was one word, but it seemed to sound like two words in my head you know...and then it would take so long to cross it out to write one word...and then I thought that saying player as two words would be cool, and he is cool, but that isn't really the point and-

_Er...I saw you scribbling away on the note, I've got to say, I was kind of looking for a nice, short answer. As you don't seem to be giving that, I'll reply for you 'stays on the list-because he's gorgeous and Irish.' P.P._

Neville? Do we even have to go there? L.B.

_Oh, leave the poor guy alone. He's adorable. P.P._

Ooooo-oooh. L.B.

_Shut up. P.P._

Don't you think he would look great with that crazy Loony Lovegood weirdo we bumped into in the girls toilets yesterday? L.B.

_Oh My God yes, it's so perfect! A match made in heaven! P.P._

Oh, do you think they'll let us be bridesmaids at their wedding? L.B.

_Whoa. Who mentioned anything about a wedding? P.P._

I did. Just now. Keep up! L.B.

_Luna Longbottom. Oh, its sounds so right. P.P._

I don't know, I mean Parvati Longbottom has rather a nice ring to it. L.B.

_Oh, how witty! Ha-ha, I can barely breathe through the laughter. But you know, I can be clever to, listen to this...SHUT UP! P.P_

Wow...you know, that really was witty. But it seems like I've touched a nerve, hmmm? _ L.B._

_If you value your life then change the subject L.B._

Fine! Um...Draco Malfoy. 

_Soooooooo hot! P.P. _

Sooooooo Slytherin! L.B.

_And he is totally crushing on that Slytherin girl Daphne. P.P._

Who's Daphne? L.B.

_Dating Theodore Nott (-gasp- so fit) you must've seen her around. She's usually in the library. P.P._

She's a _Slytherin?_ I had no idea! L.B.

_Yep. So...moving on then, because I think we can firmly agree that although Draco is sex on legs, I don't fancy hanging around with those gormless troll-cronies of his. Or little miss pug Pansy.  
Harry Potter? P.P._

Oh, no. He isn't single. He's dating Chang. She's like a whole year older, it is practically cradle snatching, seriously. Besides, its doomed to fail. L.B.

_Because she's still mourning the loss of her love Cedric? P.P._

Oh yeah! I'd forgotten that! No, I was talking about them playing on different quidditch teams. Honestly, the moment its Quidditch season, it's all just going to fall apart. L.B.

_Huh. Ok, er, Blaise Zabini? The Slytherin. P.P. _

Which ones he? L.B.

_That one. P.P._

_-x-_

_**Why were you pointing at me Patil? B.Z.**_

_Oh, I was, er, pointing at you because -(we're talking about all the cute guys and I was pointing you out to a friend. No, that doesn't make it seem like i fancy you at all)- my friend was talking about you. P.P._

_**Ha-ha, awesome.  
Was it that Lavender chick? B.Z.**_

_Er. Yeah. P.P._

_**Nice. B.Z.**_

-x-

What was that? And why is he looking so smug. L.B.

_He wanted to know why I was pointing at him. I may have, um, implied that you fancy him and, er, not corrected him. P.P._

What? Why the hell not? L.B.

_Would you hit me if I said ' for kicks?' P.P._

Yes. L.B.

_Oh. Well, it wasn't for that reason then. Hahaha, so, let's move swiftly on. P.P._

But... - L.B.

_Swiftly. P.P._

But... - L.B.

_Moving. P.P._

Parvati! L.B.

_On. P.P._

Alright !! Merlin. So, Ron Weasley ? L.B.

_You're not serious. I thought you put him on there as a joke. He is practically married to Hermion! P.P._

Is not! There not even going out. No way does she like him. And even if she did, HE doesn't. He could do so much better than her! L.B.

_Whoa. Harsh! We've only been her friend and lived together for 5 years. P.P._

And in that time I have learnt one thing. She is a horrible man stealing little whore. L.B.

_Oh My God. She must really have pissed you off! And, er, 'man stealing'? P.P._

What? I didn't write that. L.B.

_Er. Yeah you did. P.P._

Er. No I didn;t. I said she was a horrible little whore. L.B.

_That is not true! And that applied to the 'horrible whore' comment too. _

_-x-_

_**Hi! I noticed you weren't paying attention, and seeing as how I've already had to duplicate my notes for Ron and Harry who are having, and I quote, a 'quill duel to the death' I figured you could use them as well. By the way, you'd better have a fresh vat of gossip for me and Ginny tonight (she is staying in our dorms because Hilary is having some sort of emotional crisis.)  
Also, your hair looks great today, Lavender, that clip looks really pretty in your hair. I'm so jealous. H.G.**_

-x-

See. What a bitch! L.B.

_I'm sorry; I must've missed the bitchyness amongst the compliments and the kindness. P.P._

Well, I mean the audacity of her to imply that all we do is gossip. It is insulting the way she just presumes we're that shallow. L.B.

Also, what emotional crisis is Hilary going through? Did she hear those rumours about her boyfriend? Apparently he is such a little cheater, I honestly don't know why she went out with him. Even though everybody heard that Colin fancied her. Although it might've been a good thing she didn't go out with him, because he is gay now. Isn't he? L.B.

_Yeah. He is dating some Ravenclaw in the year above us. P.P._

Oh, good for him! I love Colin. L.B.

_Yeah. He is sweet. So, who is next, do you suppose? Oh, Michael Corner. P.P._

Oh no, no, no, no. I heard he and Ginny are going out, but they're keeping it on the DL because she doesn't want her brothers to find out and cause a big fuss. And probably quite a few concussions. What about Ernie Macmillan? L.B.

_I like him. I think he is sweet. And funny. A little pompous but no major personality flaws. P.P._

I like him. I just don't see him as boyfriend material. L.B.

_You make a good point. Justin? P.P._

Aw...I love him. I seriously do. I think he is the cutest, he is like a little teddy bear, L.B.

_Eh...I think he's too girly. P.P._

Well that's why I like him! L.B.

_Is there something you're trying to tell me? I won't judge you, you know. I just won't change in front of you anymore. P.P._

Oh shut up. Haven't you done enough damage, I just got a note from Zabini saying that he'd seen me writing notes to you and blushing, he asked if his ears were burning. L.B.

_Hahahahahaha. P.P._

And Greengrass (she is the one Nott's dating right?) keeps sending notes saying 'please don't feed his giant ego, you're better than that, please don't feed his giant ego, you're better than that' again and again. L.B.

_Please don't let all my smiling and laughing fool you, I'm sincerely sorry about this. P.P._

I hate you. So, one more guy left. Zach? Can you imagine yourself sticking your tongue down his throat? L.B.

_Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeew. Oh, oh, nasty thoughts. Bad images. Get them out of my head. I can't see. I'm going blind!! P.P._

I'm so sorry, I shouldn't have gone there. L.B.

_I...will...have...recurrent...nightmares. If I can never have any kind of personal or intimate relationship with a guy from now on, rest assured, I will find the priciest therapist and YOU will pay every stinking knut!  
Shake it off. Shake it off.  
So, who do we have as acceptable guys then?_

Um. Lets see, we have-L.B.

_-x-_

_Detention, Miss Patil and Miss Brown for passing notes in my class! M.M._

-x-

"Uh oh" whispered Parvati.

Professor Mcgonagall raised her eyebrows.  
"Quite."

"Tell me, precisely what did you expect to learn from passing silly little notes around whilst I was talking about one of the key topics you shall be covering in your upcoming OWLS?"

"Oh, well we learnt loads of stuff, professor!" chirped Lavender happily.

Professor McGonagall looked at her sardonically.  
" I suppose you've been researching and studying intently the dating habits and hairstyles of the male population of Hogwarts?" she questioned dryly.

The two girls looked at each other and grinned.  
"We're Parvati and Lavender. It is what we do."

The bell rang and the class emptied, fortunately before Minerva's composure cracked and she burst out laughing. Honestly, she may not admire them for their intelligence or dexterity at magic, but she admired their spunk. As well as, of course, Lavender's hair. It had looked especially nice today.


End file.
